


i'm gonna steal your heart before it kills me

by bellawritess



Category: All Time Low (Band)
Genre: :))), Band Fic, Communication, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Maturity, No Angst, Not much else to say tbh, and second kiss as well, arguably a bigger deal, dry fic otherwise, hotel rooms are for lovers, it's a pretty big deal, one single reference to drinking, zack rules as usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:15:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28766931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bellawritess/pseuds/bellawritess
Summary: Half of him needs to make a joke of this. They need to make a joke of it or they are never going to get past it, and it’s essential that they get past it.What’s a kiss between best friends?he could say, orno homoor something dumb like that. Or he could Tweet something likeAlex has soft lipsjust to make it perfectly clear that this is so Not Serious that Jack is actually putting it on Twitter. There are ways Jack can defuse this situation. Ways he should.Instead he just stands there, blinking.
Relationships: Jack Barakat & Zack Merrick, Jack Barakat/Alex Gaskarth
Comments: 14
Kudos: 34





	i'm gonna steal your heart before it kills me

**Author's Note:**

> really cannot explain this one so i won't try to, i wrote it from about 2-7am last night (last night? lmao) and now it exists. why do i do all my writing when i should be sleeping? wouldn't you like to know. wouldn't i like to know. but we will just have to remain in the dark for now
> 
> title from change your mind by the summer set because i can't stop listening to stories for monday and i am Quite Emotional over the whole thing

Jack probably has Alex’s mouth memorized by now.

From the smirk forever hiding in the corners to the teeth worrying the middle, Jack could draw it with his eyes closed. He’s spent more hours than he’s comfortable admitting just watching Alex’s mouth. It would be nice to have a dignified reason for this, but Jack doesn’t. He just likes Alex’s mouth. He likes everything about Alex, but there’s something deliciously tempting about his lips that keeps Jack captive.

Alex has caught on, of course, but Alex has most likely chalked it up to one of those weird Jack-isms, and Jack is happy to let him believe that. If Alex ever asks, Jack has an obscene joke lined up to change the subject, but Alex has never asked. Maybe it’s just that he doesn’t want to address it. Jack wonders if he’d do the same, if it was Alex always staring at Jack’s mouth.

Definitely not. If Alex was staring at Jack’s mouth, Jack would cut the fucking tension and just kiss him. But therein lies the entire problem. If Alex would kiss Jack, that would be great, but Alex won’t. Hasn’t. Doesn’t. 

It’s not like Alex’s lips are never on Jack, but it’s never a real _kiss_. Alex plants exaggerated kisses on Jack’s cheeks almost daily. But that doesn’t count, because it leaves Jack’s own mouth open, and Jack would really prefer if he and Alex could do a mouth-to-mouth situation. If only to kill Jack’s morbid curiosity. Actually kissing Alex, on the mouth, would surely only worsen Jack’s fixation, but at least then Jack would have a more complete puzzle. He’s currently working with sight as his only sense, and he’d love to add taste into the mix. Touch. Even sound, if the sound came as a result of the kiss.

All of this is wishful thinking, of course. Jack’s not the kind of person Alex kisses. Alex has no problem kissing Rian and in fact does so with reckless abandon, to a comical degree. Rian habitually jokes that he’s gotten more action from Alex than any girl in the last decade. This is a very real possibility, and either way it’s a funny joke. But Rian is a safe person for Alex to kiss, Jack knows, because Rian’s definitely probably heterosexual and one hundred percent definitely not attracted to Alex and also is in a relationship, and therefore kissing him does not represent a danger to the band. Kissing Rian will almost certainly _not_ catalyze the end of their career via awkward post-kiss awkwardness. Or something. 

Jack falls squarely outside of that category. He is neither heterosexual nor in a relationship, and he is decidedly attracted to Alex and has been since he was, like, fourteen, a fact which Jack is _mostly_ sure Alex knows, and contributes greatly to the whole Alex-never-kissing-him thing. Jack has approximately the subtlety of a sledgehammer; if he were better at hiding his intentions, Alex wouldn’t know, but Jack sucks at hiding his intentions. Why should he? It’s in his best interest to share his intentions. That way if they’re shared, Jack is golden.

It’s just. Alex doesn’t share them.

By and large, this is not a problem. They hang in tenuous balance, Jack failing to pretend that he doesn’t want to kiss Alex and Alex failing to pretend that he doesn’t know this about Jack and both of them ignoring that the other one is ignoring it. Jack doesn’t expect shit from Alex in this regard, anyway. Even if there wasn’t this much at stake, it’s obvious Alex doesn’t feel whatever Jack feels — though for Alex to feel all that Jack feels would be a minor impossibility, given the scope and depth of Jack's all-encompassing love for Alex — and besides, there _is_ this much at stake. “This much” being the band, the career, the open communication between the four of them that has allowed them to survive this long in this brutal industry. It’s question number one these days: _what’s the secret to your longevity?_ And their answer is always along the lines of _love and communication._ Jack has seen firsthand what an awkward kiss can do to a relationship. To a group. 

They’re not the first band whose guitarist is crushing on the lead singer, but they’re the only one still together.

Jack has spent many an intoxicated evening attempting to puzzle out his feelings. He’s even, on rare occasion, sat with Zack. Zack is a very good sounding board, because when Jack asks him to please just be quiet and let Jack work things out, he will do exactly that. And when Jack asks for advice, Zack always has some. He’s good for Jack. A voice of reason when Jack is grasping for one.

In regards to this particular situation, Zack’s advice has unwaveringly been: _don’t._ Whatever Jack suggests, Zack shoots it down with a firm _don’t. Don’t just plant one on him. Don’t get drunk and ask him to make out with you. Don’t rig spin the bottle._ He makes Jack sound like a total dumbass. Which Jack might be, but there’s something to be said for Jack’s ratio of smart to stupid comments. Sure, he says a lot of stupid shit, but he also says a lot more than Zack does, _total,_ so obviously Zack’s gonna hit one home run after another when he decides to grace them all with his wisdom. If Zack shared every thought that crossed his mind, the way Jack mostly does, Jack is confident he would come out looking even dumber than Jack.

He knows Zack is right, though. With the choreography of this dance Jack and Alex do, to go rogue and kiss him would be a catastrophe. Jack has never been sly; if Alex wanted to kiss him, they'd have already done it, and they haven't. Alex hasn't. So _don't_ is the best and only advice, as much as Jack hates it. For this long he’s followed it, and it’s worked so far in the way of Not Fucking Them Up. Jack is almost proud of himself.

Anyway.

Alex is kissing him.

And after years of battling the urge to pull this exact stunt, Jack is frozen in spot and at a total loss for what to do.

 _Kiss back,_ his mind supplies, but it’s too late; Alex is already pulling away, a small, embarrassed smile on his face, pulling at the corner of his fuck-they’re-pink lips and keeping Jack basically paralyzed.

“Sorry,” he says.

“Don’t be,” Jack says automatically, floundering. The fraction of him that is begging to be reasonable right now is quickly being overwhelmed by the far greater majority, which is demanding that Jack drag Alex back in because now that Alex has broken The Rule it’s anyone’s game and if this is the one and only time they ever kiss, Jack ought to get a better shot than that, should at least get a chance to kiss back. Alex should know that Jack would have kissed back. It shouldn’t be a guess. “I dared you.”

 _I didn’t fucking think you would actually do it,_ he doesn’t say. That should be a given. For ten years it’s been a given. Jack says _kiss me, you fool_ and Alex _doesn’t._ That way it’s a joke. That way they can laugh it off.

Jack is having trouble laughing this off.

“Yeah,” Alex says, impulsively pulling a hand through his hair. “Still, though. That was out of line.”

 _No, it wasn’t,_ Jack thinks desperately. It was out of _their_ lines, but those lines are borne of Alex’s desire to draw a boundary, not Jack’s. Jack has no lines. “It’s cool,” he says. “I, uh, it’s, yeah. It’s cool, dude.”

Half of him needs to make a joke of this. They need to make a joke of it or they are never going to get past it, and it’s essential that they get past it. _What’s a kiss between best friends?_ he could say, or _no homo_ or something dumb like that. Or he could Tweet something like _Alex has soft lips_ just to make it perfectly clear that this is so Not Serious that Jack is actually putting it on Twitter. There are ways Jack can defuse this situation. Ways he should.

Instead he just stands there, blinking.

And Alex quirks his lips once more and says, “I won’t do it again. Sorry.”

Jack wants very badly to say _you can_ but it’s clear that Alex doesn’t want him to say that. Alex wants them both to forget that this happened. It’s a slip-up. Making any indication at all that he’d enjoyed it would cause problems. Jack has to play along.

“Okay,” he says dully.

“Anyway,” Alex says, shaking his head a little bit, “you can, um, you can go get lunch.”

Lunch. The thing that started this whole fiasco. The reason they’re shifting around in the thick awkwardness of the air right now. All because Jack had fucking offered to go pick up lunch for the both of them from the Panda Express a few blocks away from where the bus is parked.

_My price is one kiss straight on the lips._

_That’s nothing. That’s cheap. You’re easy._

_You’re such a liar. You’ll never kiss me._

_I could kiss you if I wanted to._

_Yeah, right. I dare you. One kiss, Gaskarth. On the lips or it’s worthless. I’m an expensive delivery service._

It’s fun to kid. Jack had been kidding. That’s what they fucking _do._ It’s supposed to be a game, and they’re both supposed to be playing by the same rules. It’s safe for Jack to dare Alex to kiss him as long as Alex remembers that his next line is a shake of the head, a wry grin, a _you win this one, JB, but I’ll be back with a vengeance._ Something equally stupid. It’s a joke. It’s a fucking joke.

“After you paid in full?” Jack says, forcing a smirk. “I think I’m honor-bound now.”

Alex huffs a laugh. They’re slowly, unsteadily finding their footing again. Jack can see the regret in Alex’s face. How much he wishes he hadn’t fucked with the delicate balance in which they’re supposed to hang. _Me too,_ he thinks mournfully, but there’s nothing they can do now.

After exchanging a few more mildly uncomfortable jabs, Jack ducks out of the bus. He’s thinking, which is dangerous. Thinking how much of an idiot he is for not kissing Alex back. And equally thanking God that he didn’t, because at least this way they were able to play it off as Alex taking the bit too far, and Jack would have been hard-pressed to defend himself for returning a kiss like that.

(Not that Alex doesn’t know, but fuck, they were doing _so_ well dancing around it. Pretending it wasn’t a thing.)

Worst of all, though, Jack’s initial instinct had been correct. Kissing Alex has only made him want to kiss Alex more.

Fuck.

  
  
  


It’s getting ridiculous enough that Jack has no choice but to consult Zack.

“It’s about Alex, right?” says Zack when Jack drags him into the back room of the bus several evenings later. Jack squints at him. “You guys are being kind of weird so I figured something happened.”

“Well, you figured correctly,” Jack says. He flops down on the couch. “He kissed me.” Pause for this to sink in. Zack doesn’t say anything. “As in, _he_ kissed _me._ Zack. This is a disaster.”

“He kissed you? Why?”

Jack rolls his eyes. “Because I fucking dared him to. I didn’t think he’d actually _do_ it. I was kidding and I thought he’d just laugh or something. But instead he actually did it. Like I said: disaster.”

“Well, I think that depends on what happened after.”

“We became teenage boys in a swimming pool of awkwardness,” Jack huffs. “He said he wouldn’t do it anymore, I said okay, and then I left to go marinate in awkwardness while I got us lunch. And yes, now it is very awkward.”

Zack nods thoughtfully. “Sounds like it was awkward.”

Jack swings an arm wildly, hoping to hit Zack and failing.

“Well, seeing as I wasn’t _there,_ I’m trying to get all the information!” Zack says in his defense. Jack glares up at him. 

“Bitch,” he accuses. “ _Help_ me, I don’t know how to fix this. Do I talk to him? Doesn’t that ruin the whole, like, not-talking-about-it thing? Plus if I go to him _now_ it’ll be obvious I’ve been thinking about it. Like, ‘Hey, remember when you kissed me because I dared you to? _Five days ago?_ Yeah, just wanted to let you know that was no big deal, so don’t even worry about it. And it totally didn’t mean anything to me, so don’t worry about that either.’”

“That’d be a lie, though.”

“I _know_ it would be a lie,” Jack groans. “But I have to lie, don’t I? Otherwise I have to — like, what else can I even do?”

“I don’t think lying is a good idea,” Zack says. “As a general rule.”

“Easy for you to say. You’re not the one with a crush on your best friend.”

Zack concedes this with a nod. “Yeah, but still. If I was Alex, I’d appreciate it if you talked to me.”

“Yes, but Zachary,” Jack says patiently, “ _you_ are a wise old Oak tree, and Alex is a dumb fucking…young Oak tree.”

“We’re both Oak trees?”

“I couldn't think of any other kinds of trees, okay, I got lost in the metaphor. Maple tree? Does that seem like an Alex thing to be?” Zack makes a kind of confused face, which Jack decides to take as a yes. “Fine, so you are an old Oak tree, wise beyond your years. But Alex is a stupid idiot like me. We are both young Maple trees and we do not know shit about communicating our feelings, which is why we have gone ten years _not doing that._ ”

“If you’re both Maple trees, you’d actually probably have more success communicating with each other than with me as an Oak,” says Zack, lips twitching.

Jack flips him off. He can’t help but snort a laugh. “Fuck you, dude. Why do I bring any of my problems to you? I gotta start confiding in Jeff.”

Zack laughs. “Sure. Okay. Fine. So you’re both useless Maple trees.”

“Forget the trees,” Jack says, waving an imaginary eraser in the air. “I got lost in the metaphor sauce. Let’s move on from the trees.” He turns onto his side, propping up his head in his palm and giving Zack a beseeching look. “This is serious. I might have fucked up.”

“Well, for starters, you didn’t kiss him,” Zack says. “He kissed you. Which means he’s the one who fucked up, if anyone did.”

Jack frowns. Objectively that is true. Still, though, it feels like Jack’s fault. It wouldn’t be awkward if Jack hadn’t spent a decade fantasizing about kissing Alex, and it wouldn’t be awkward if Jack had just been better at _hiding_ that fantasy throughout the decade. Maybe Alex is the one who’d kissed Jack, but it’s Jack’s fault that that’s not something they’re able to move past. As friends.

“I do think you should talk to him,” Zack continues, and Jack groans again but doesn’t interrupt, because now they’re in Zack’s Wisdom Hours and Jack is not allowed to interrupt when Zack is giving Good Smart Advice. Usually because the advice is actually sound. Unsurprisingly, Zack’s quiet nature lends itself to solid intuition about people. This is something from which Jack benefits greatly, lacking any decent intuition himself. “You could ask him why he kissed you. That’d be a good place to start.”

“But he didn’t mean to do it,” Jack says. Whines. He kind of whines it.

“Well, he didn’t do it by accident,” Zack says. 

“Yeah, but it was for the bit. I dared him to kiss me and he just. Did it.”

“But that’s not the first time you’ve ever dared him to kiss you, bro. If you dare him ten times in ten years to kiss you, and the first nine times he backs out and the tenth time he does it? That means something’s changed with him. It’s not like he doesn’t know how to smoothly reject you, man. He’s done it for ten years.”

That is true. Alex has been soft-rejecting Jack for a decade. Still. This feels wrong. “Yeah, but maybe…” 

“What I’m suggesting here is that you don’t try and _guess_ ,” Zack says dryly. “Just ask him. Worst case scenario he says he was calling your bluff or whatever and you play it off. You won’t make it worse by trying to have an honest conversation with him, dude. Alex is a mature adult when he needs to be. And so are you.”

“Hey, I do not appreciate that implication,” Jack retorts. “I’m twelve. I never aged past twelve. I have the brains of a pre-teen boy with the body of a god.”

Zack scoffs, an ironic smile hidden mostly in his eyes. “You have the body of a Maple tree.”

“Hey!”

“One of the better-looking Maples, though,” Zack adds. “But, you know. You’re no Oak.”

“I resent that,” Jack sniffs. “And I regret using that metaphor. And calling you an Oak tree. You’re a — fuck, I don’t even know enough trees to know how to insult you.”

“Good,” Zack says, grinning. He laughs, and Jack also laughs. “Okay, but really, though. Seriously. Jack. Just talk to him. Please. Honestly, it’ll be a favor to us all.”

Jack makes an inhuman noise of severe distress. It’s been likened to a pterodactyl sound. Zack sits in calm silence until Jack runs out of air.

“I hate being mature and an adult and a mature adult,” he finally grouses. “If we _were_ twelve I could just break his GameCube or something and then he could cut my hair in my sleep and we’d be even.”

“Oh, yeah,” Zack deadpans. “That would be way better. You’re right.”

Jack flips him off.

  
  


This, by a winding road of doubts and second thoughts and hesitations and what can only be described as chutzpah, brings Jack to the hotel room.

He’s made the executive decision to wait until they’re in a hotel to talk to Alex because…it just feels better. Hotels feel safer. Maybe because they’re not literal vehicles moving on actual wheels at breakneck speeds down a freeway. Or maybe it’s just because of the comfy mattresses.

Either way.

Unfortunately, they are at a hotel tonight. So Jack, as a man of his word and also mildly afraid of Zack’s judgmental looks if he chickens out, lifts a hand to Alex’s hotel room door and knocks. It’s very late, past midnight, but Alex is the most nocturnal human being Jack has ever met, so Jack has no doubt that he’s still awake. Their show tonight had been exhilarating and the energy is only just leaving Jack’s limbs, traces of adrenaline like static in his fingertips still.

Technically he’s rooming with Zack and Alex is with Rian tonight, but Zack is tasked with distracting Rian, so he and Rian are currently having what Jack has to assume is a bro-off at pool in the game room in the lobby. Rian also does not need distracting because Jack knows that his and Alex’s Weird Energy is charged enough that just entering the room with Alex would have been enough to make Rian disappear in a cloud of dust, but he hadn’t wanted to put Rian in that awkward position. Hence the pool challenge.

The door swings open to reveal Alex. “Oh,” he says. “Hey. Thought you would be asleep.”

“Nope,” Jack says. He takes a deep breath. “I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

He’s been rehearsing these words for about twenty-four hours and it’s a relief to finally say them.

Alex’s face changes a little, but to his credit he doesn’t slam the door in Jack’s face or anything. Instead he steps back. “Sure.”

Mature adults. Sure. Jack can be mature if Alex is. They can be grown-ups.

For fifteen minutes or whatever.

“I’m not gonna beat around the bush or anything,” he says, because he absolutely is not. “We both know what there is to talk about, so.”

Alex hums. “Yeah.”

“It’s not a big deal,” Jack says. This is kind of a lie because it’s obviously a big enough deal that it’s made waves in the band and created cracks in a rock-solid foundation of friendship, but it doesn’t have to be. He turns to Alex as the door shuts behind him. Alex, with his arms folded across his chest. Alex, whose teeth are digging sharply into his bottom lip, unconsciously worrying it.

“It’s obviously a little bit of a big deal,” Alex says, breathing a humorless laugh. “It made things weird.”

Fuck. He’s literally inside Jack’s head.

“Okay,” Jack acquiesces, “it’s a little bit of a big deal, but not a big one. Not a big big deal. Look, it’s — I just, I have to ask, okay? Because it’s —” He shakes his head. There’s way too much history here to get out in one introductory sentence. He can hear Zack’s advice: _don’t._ But Zack isn’t here, and Jack doesn’t have the energy to keep dancing around it. Fuck it. “We’ve been operating pretty smoothly on the basis of pretending nothing’s going on, and that’s fine with me. Honestly. We’ve both been doing fine. You pretend that I’m not in love with you and I pretend that you don’t know. It’s great. We’re doing great.”

Alex looks a bit like he’s been slapped, but Jack is on a roll.

“I don’t mind going back to that,” he says. Which might be a lie. But going back to that would at least be better than whatever worse water they’re barely treading right now, so if it’s between this and that, Jack chooses willful ignorance. “But I want to know why you kissed me. After all this — all the shit and the jokes and everything. I mean. I’ve probably made that same joke at least a dozen times since we became friends. And you never kissed me then.” He clears his throat and stares a hole into the floor. “But this time you did. I just want to know why, that’s all. Even if it was just for the gag, I want to know.”

“It wasn’t,” Alex says. Jack sighs tiredly and lifts his gaze from the floor to Alex’s face.

“Then why?”

A pink flush slowly creeps up Alex’s neck. “It sounds terrible if I say it like this, but…” He closes his eyes and tips his head back. “I wanted to. I really wanted to. And you gave me an opening, and I just…I didn’t think about it. I should have, but I didn’t.”

Except Jack is still caught like headphones around a door handle, snagging on the end of that first sentence. _I wanted to._ “You wanted to?” he says hoarsely. 

Alex nods. His eyes are still closed. He licks his lips and then immediately begins chewing the lower one. “You can’t tell me it’s not — like, fucking complicated with us. Y’know. It is. It’s like you said. We’ve both been kind of ignoring…” A vague hand gesture. “Something. But I didn’t know you were in love with me or anything, I just thought…” He shrugs. Finally his chin lowers and his eyes open and he meets Jack’s gaze for a second. “I don’t know what I thought. Definitely not that. I thought it was, um, more physical?”

Jack blinks repeatedly. “How — what?”

“Well, it’s obvious to _you_ because you’re inside your head,” Alex says defensively. “I’m not. I don’t know what you’re thinking. Yeah, we haven’t talked about this ever because you wanted something that I didn’t. But it’s like…lately it’s different. I feel differently. About you.”

Jack is going to forget how to breathe. Or maybe he already has.

“Do you see the problem, though?” Alex continues. He licks his lips again like they’re not already slick from the last time. “Dude, hand to God, I thought maybe you wanted to fuck. I didn’t know you…”

“Jesus Christ, Alex,” Jack says breathlessly. “You didn’t know I’m in love with you? Are you fucking blind?”

“Again, and I cannot stress this enough,” Alex says flatly, “that is very easy for you to say.”

Jack swallows down several more comments. “Okay. Yeah. So you were saying you're feeling differently?”

Alex shrugs his shoulders again and one of his hands threads through his hair to twirl it around his finger. “It’s been a really long time coming. I just wanted to be more sure, I guess. And believe me, I’m absolutely sure now. But the point is, it was dumb to kiss you when I did. The way I did.”

“The only dumb thing about it was you didn’t do it long enough for me to kiss you back,” Jack says.

Alex stares at him. “You’re really in love with me?”

“For fuck’s sake.” Jack takes a page out of Alex’s book and pulls a hand through his hair. He can feel it sticking up in places. “ _Yes,_ but dude, I’ve been in love with you practically since I met you. This is old news. Sorry you’re the last to know, but it’s old, old news.”

“It’s not fucking old news to me,” Alex says. “Shit. That means I’m in love with you.”

“No,” Jack says immediately. “No it doesn’t. Don’t pull shit like that.”

“You don’t know,” Alex says, scowling. “You’re not me.”

“You can’t magically become in love with me just because I am with you.”

Alex is silent for a moment, opening and closing his mouth, and then he laughs. “Jesus. Listen to us. We sound really fucking idiotic.”

Jack laughs as well, possibly from nerves or the sheer disbelief that’s crushing him like a massive boulder. “We were doing really well communicating like mature adults for a little while there.”

“Okay, okay, okay. Mature adults. Just another few minutes. We can do this.”

“Why don’t you tell me what you want,” Jack offers, feeling extremely strange, “and then I’ll tell you what I want. And then even if they don’t match up, at least we’ll know.”

“This feels weird,” Alex says with a self-conscious smile, further solidifying Jack’s theory that they are actual soulmates. “Are you possessed by Zack?”

“Literally, yes I am,” Jack says seriously. 

Alex laughs. “Okay. Fine.” The laughs die down and the look on his face when he opens his mouth to speak is criminally sincere. “I want you,” he says, effectively stopping Jack’s heartbeat. “I want us to be more than we are now. I love being your best friend. I’d love being your boyfriend even more. I know that’s a little bit out of nowhere, but…that’s what I want.”

They should communicate like mature adults more often, Jack thinks. It’s nice to know in such layman’s terms what Alex wants. 

It’s especially nice knowing that they want the same things.

“Alex, I’ve wanted you however I could possibly get you since 2003,” Jack says. His breathing feels shallow. “So yes, please. Whatever you want, I want. I want to kiss you so bad.”

The two feet of space between them feels colossal. Alex’s face splits into a shy grin and a nervous laugh breaks forth. “I obviously want to kiss you too. Or…want you to kiss me.”

It should be harder to unlearn years and years of restraint, but Jack does it in the half-second it takes to bridge the space between them. Alex’s hands are on Jack’s face, Jack’s fingers fumbling at the ends of Alex’s hair, before anyone can even blink. Between the machine gun of a heartbeat in Jack’s chest and Alex’s searing touch and the smile on his face, Jack thinks he might die in the next sixty seconds.

“I’m done being a mature adult,” he breathes. “Just wanna be a stupid kid.”

“I think we’re both a little bit of both,” Alex murmurs, “but I’ll be whatever you want whenever you want.”

Jack has waited over ten years for this, and he isn’t waiting another second.

The kiss is explosive, somehow more perfect than Jack could ever have imagined. It’s brand-new, but Jack is surprised at how familiar it feels, kind of like walking the streets off a map you’d been studying for years might be. Jack has the blueprint of Alex’s mouth etched into his mind, has daydreamed their lips meeting, fitting together, puzzle pieces or something equally poetic, but he never expected to find out whether or not this was the case.

As it turns out: they do fit together. Perfectly. More than perfectly. The kiss sweeps away all other evidence for Alex being Jack’s soulmate, triumphantly taking the top spot.

There’s a lot to process — Alex’s fingers tangling in Jack’s hair, sending a shiver all the way down his spine, and Alex’s skin clammy underneath Jack’s palms when he slides them around Alex’s neck, and the gasp of air when Alex opens his mouth, a sound that Jack will probably take with him to his grave. Slick teeth and tongues and fingernails digging in and the _noise_ Alex makes when Jack drags a hand through his hair and gently tugs, _fuck._

Altogether it’s almost too much. Almost. 

Not enough to make Jack stop, though.

They stop because of Alex. It’s probably for the best, because Jack’s heart feels like it’s going to beat straight out of his chest and leave a bleeding trail in its wake. The buzz from the show is back tenfold and Jack is pretty sure there’s a tremor in his hands. Overwhelmed in the best way is still overwhelmed. Jack needs a moment, even if he never wants to claim one, so he’s grateful that Alex takes it upon himself, slowing them to a stop with lazy kisses to Jack’s lips until Jack thinks he is probably going to melt and Alex will be responsible for bottling up Essence of Jack and then refreezing him into a guitarist-shaped person in time for their next show.

“Fuck, I love you,” Jack mutters, stealing one last kiss and then burying his face in Alex’s shoulder. They’re so wrapped up in each other now that Jack’s not sure he could extract himself if he tried, so it’s a good thing he doesn’t want to. “Don’t say it back. I won’t believe you. But holy shit.”

Alex chuckles quietly. “You’re not the boss of me.”

“Please,” Jack says. “I’ll feel like you’re just saying it because I said it.”

“Fine, then I won’t say it,” Alex says. “But I’m thinking it.”

Somehow, this is not as bad. Jack hums, smile pressed into Alex’s neck.

“So? Will you be my boyfriend?”

“Sure,” Alex says. Jack steps on his foot. “Hey, what the fuck!”

“You could be a _little_ more enthusiastic.”

“Yes, I would love to be your boyfriend,” Alex gushes, swaying the both of them in place, forcing Jack to tighten his hold so he doesn’t fall over. “I would love nothing more. It would be an honor. A _privilege._ _I’d do anythiiiiiiing, just to hold you in my arms._ ”

“That’s more like it,” Jack says. He straightens up and affixes a very real smile to his face. “This is gonna take some getting used to.”

“For me too,” Alex says, a little more seriously than Jack had been. “But I am really fucking excited to get used to it.” 

There’s a dash of gravity in the atmosphere now, in Alex’s face and voice, but there’s also a gentle smile playing at his lips, a mouth Jack can now confidently say he does _not_ have memorized, but he will.

He will.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :) i'm on tumblr [@clumsyclifford](http://clumsyclifford.tumblr.com/) come say hi !!! also please listen to stories for monday


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